Maiden Month of a Millennial Mom

‘The first month is the toughest.’

This was profound advice shared by my friend who preceded me in mommyhood by a few months.

Now, looking back I can understand why.

Return on Investment

I remember rocking my darling daughter to sleep- for the third time the same night. It was past two in the morning.

I felt like Khaleesi- guarding her invaluable dragon egg.

The first month all the baby does is poop, pee, nurse, and cry. Moreover, all four activities are randomized. And for the amount of effort one puts in, the immediate returns seem to only be a few fleeting moments of calm- barely enough to catch on some sleep.

Most other relationships that I have chosen have had greater visible ROIs. However, motherhood, especially the early stages, is all about giving.

The Looming Future

The overwhelming first month also led to a myopic, exaggerated prediction of the future. I was imagining a future devoid of things I cherished- going to the movies, taking carefree weekend trips, and having precious me-time.

Don’t get me wrong. I had gotten into mommyhood always wanting a baby. I had known it would be a lot of work.

I didn’t realize it would be THIS much.

The independence that I had enjoyed while growing up, and then taken for granted as an adult had melted away revealing responsibilities.

Baby’s Needs First

My Indian middle-class parents made their life choices keeping in mind family expectations. They were happy in honoring traditions without asking any questions.

Luckily, I grew up in an environment where I was encouraged to seek answers and learn by doing. I devoured books from the ‘Tell Me Why’ series and questioned almost everything I was told.

As an adult, I now believe that knowing the ‘why’, the reason behind an action is necessary for doing it wholeheartedly.

MY questions must be answered first.

MY needs met first.

Motherhood made my baby’s needs- changing diapers, feeding, and burping- top priority. I was getting up in-between my meals to attend to a fussy baby. I was staying awake while trying to get my baby to sleep.

This sudden transition- especially after a pampered pregnancy- was a lot to grapple with.

Settling In

Time flies. I have, in these five weeks, grown confident in my parenting abilities. My daughter and I have also somewhat settled into a routine.

Her responses like a smile of recognition, a random coo, or a gurgle bring immense joy and are priceless. I now have reached the point where, in Yuval Noah Harari’s words, I no longer see myself as a ‘miserable slave to a baby dictator’ but as a ‘loving nurturer of new life’.

Spending this first month with her has helped me take steps towards finding my much needed ‘why’. I have a better appreciation of Kahlil Gibran’s deep words likening parents as ‘bows’ and children as ‘living arrows’.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I have lots to learn. This first month made it amply clear.

But I am sure that in this adventure; as my daughter grows, I too will grow as a person. ❤